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Spiritually low..

10:49 PM

7/12

oh well..today just went to sch for Bioinformatics prac..and it was like..what is Dr William How talking abt?i was like........dunno what he was talking abt for the whole prac..what nucleotides sequences, blah blah..given that we din have our lectures for so long..sigh..was quite frustrating cos i cant finish what need to be finish.. =S

today..dunno lah..during LM..i was very quiet..really quiet..super quiet..until ppl asked me whats wrong with me..it is very abnormal of me to be so quiet i admit..cos i will yak and yak and yak..well..during worship..suddenly..i just felt i was so hypocritical..do i really love Jesus?do i really want to follow Him?so if i dun love Jesus and dun want to follow Him, does singing those songs make me a hypocrite?wah man..still in the midst of getting my spiritual back on track, dealing with spiritual apathy..then now another avalanche came..21st century Pharisees..the term that shane uses..sigh..seriously..im confuse..dunno what to do and how to move on..and i started to think alot..am i frustrated or rebellious?if im frustrated, what am i frustrated abt?that i cant achieve God's standard?that i cant seem to have a consistent QT? or what? then now i dunno whether the cause the spiritual apathy anot already..it mayb partly..but not entirely..so whats the cause?????i cant seem to find the cause!!that is frustrating..

when ppl say "God loves you", "Jesus is always with you", what i think and feel is that, "chey, heard it so many times liao.. so cliche..anything new?" it is like..i lost that sense of awe..i lost that conviction..it is like im so used to ppl telling me that..that it lost its significance..YET..can be worship leader, blah blah..isn't it like the Pharisees?so hypocritical..hai..can be a 10 yr old christian..YET..struggling with the basic truth..an irony isn't it?

so now..basically..i dunno whether i am confuse anot..i feel like im a headless housefly..flying around WITHOUT knowing where i am going..flying in the wilderness..really..this is when my melancholic nature will appear which is VERY rare..and started to think alot..

Sat SMT cancelled..cos alot of ppl cant attend..so will be going for Gen12 support raising seminar..on the other hand..im wondering..shld i go for mission trips?shld i serve?but it does not mean that i dun serve i will get back on track also..so now what???

i really dunno... *confuse* *confuse*

8/12/05, 1.34am

posted by cookoxt31 on 10:49 PM
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