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A DaY Of UnPrEdIcTaBLE EmOtIoNs..

1:16 PM

15/10

supposed to wake up at 6am today.. but ah.. dunno is it the alarm clock rang until it stops itself or I wake up without realizing and just switch it off… lol.. haha.. then tse hui called me at 7am.. lol.. when she hang up the fone, then I realize that she actually sms me at 6am! Wahaha.. slp until pig like that lah.. lol.. cannot blame lah.. cos slp at abt 3.30am.. wahhaa.. then quickly rush to sch loh.. planning to take cab 1.. but then tutorial only.. so forget it… lol… wahha.. wore my kimono.. hehe..

on the mrt.. staring and glaring from those ppl on MRT… wahhhaha.. but I dun care lah.. I like wat im wearing.. just that it is a bit diff from wat ppl normally wear… haha.. unconventional mah… not a bad thing.. hehe… fashion wise.. I mix and match myself.. I mean only when im in the mood lah… if not in the mood.. just wear a Bermuda and t shirt get out of the hse liao.. wahaha…

then reach sch.. I mean.. my class was like staring at me also.. but nvm.. haha.. the hock say something in jap.. which I cant really catch.. but I know it is abt me lah.. nvm lah.. haha… :P wahhaa.. got to know that my maths test got 16/20.. haha.. eh.. I happy le! I tot I will get 11 or 12.. but no! YEAH! Ai yah.. got 2 marks lost cos of carelessness.. forget to put a power 4 at one of the diff. Log quests… ai yah.. of not will get 18/20.. but nvm.. I still want to praise God for that.. for letting me get above 15.. hehe.. im very happy with it.. wahhah..

then com skills… haha.. Christine as usual.. told us a lot abt her family life, etc… very interesting.. and her office and working life too… it is good to know so that we learn something out from it.. the part when she said she caned her son 3 times without the pants on, I was like…… wah seh.. I can nv do that… heartpain leh.. I told zhen yi.. zhen yi say sometimes it is really a nit to discipline the child which I agree also.. but.. I just cant bring myself to do it.. I will probably just ask my children to sit down and talk to them.. if still dun listen.. then I will leave the job of caning to daddy… wahaha.. I also grew up in a family of corporal punishmt.. so I know the pain.. lol.. wah.. wat happen to me.. think so much.. lol.. nvm..

maths is boring as usual… wah lao.. buay tahan miss low lesson.. but she is a very precise and responsible teacher I can say… just that her way of being responsible mayb too boring for us lah.. lol..

after lunch at FJ, micro A liao.. sianz…. Test.. then in the end.. dunnit to hand in the paper.. wah liew.. we so piah then tell us dunnit hand in.. lol.. but nvm..

wahaha.. then biz mandarin.. oral presentation.. I presented on the life story of John Sebastian Bach… ppl you all know? He got 21 children leh!! Wah seh man.. when the class heard that.. they went wah seh also.. lol… nevertheless.. he was still a very talented musician…

then IMB time… lol.. hmm.. talk abt cloning and religion… and other thing of cos.. but im more interested in the religion part… got to know what other religion think of cloning.. can learn more also… useful..

then went home.. on the way home.. think abt a lot of thing.. I dun want to think.. but the tots just came.. reach home… finish dinner.. finally cant suppress anymore… start to get emotional and began to …

I know the past 2 or 3 days… I was avoiding all the tots that came into my head.. I just shoo them aside.. telling myself that “Eileen.. dun think abt it..”.. and ya.. I admit.. I was not really my usual self,etc… mayb is really just to cover up or conceal?tried to bluff myself that by acting in a certain way, I can appear to be normal and eventually to be really normal… im in a confuse state of mind… a battlefield of tots and a rojak of voices in me.. but somehow deep in me I know that im not normal.. as in my inner self and feelings.. is not normal… I dunno abt you… I feel so scared also.. scared of? I dunno… diff kinds of fear in me.. which I just dunno how to describe using words….

And when I decided to face all these tots.. I will break down.. it is like everything just come pressing on you emotionally and you dunno wat to do except crying… I admit.. im vulnerable when it comes to emotions.. im emotionally weak.. yes.. and that makes me feel that im a weakling…all along, I tot I was strong.. but I think im wrong… I want to be strong.. na de qi, fang de xia… but it is easier said than done… and seems impossible…

I tried to distract myself by doing a lot of things.. but when ever there is a chance just to sit down.. things start to get into my head.. and so vividly… feel so much just not to care anymore and just do wat I want.. but again.. deep in me.. I know I cant.. and I know.. there’s no turning back… just have to continue to endure the pain of walking on the path that I had chosen which is full of shattered glass adn prickling thorns….

I will let time fade away everything.. and move on with life positively for the sake of the ppl around me.. for God.. and for the memories we once shared.. and really hope that you do too….. take care…

Ji ran ceng jing ai guo.. you he bi zhen zheng yong you ni…

posted by cookoxt31 on 1:16 PM
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